We're All Super. Really.

Because, our real lives just ain't cool enough.

****************

Lord Of The Rings

JRR was a genius. Harry Potter ain't got nuthin' on Middle Earth and its names. Hell, even the bad guys sound cool. The "Orcs" sounded way better than they looked. And the "Uruk-Hai"? Wow. And then there were the "Nazgul". The places too. Minas Tirith. Rivendell. Elendil. Khazad-dum.

What would it be like to live in such a world? What would you be called? 

Find out using this LoTR Name Generator.

Smurfs

Tiny, bright blue, and running on seemingly unlimited banks of Duracell.

You'll need a really cool name if you look like that.

The Smurf Name Generator might help.

Superheros

Ah, of course. We all knew it. In fact, we believed it. More so, some of us still do.

All the vampires (or should I say Vampyres) started making their presence felt after Twilight was released. When Spidey saw tiny thingmajigs coming outta his fingers, we all knew we could scale walls too. 

Ah well, whatever makes you happy.

We're going to save the world. Over and over and over again. And there's nothing anybody can do about it.

Do you know why? 'Cos we're all superheros.

And this is what we'd look like. 

By the way, this is what I'd look like. And I'd be called "WingBlade". With the capital "B" in the middle. Yeah, I know.

Robots

Robots never go out of fashion. There's always a cool robot for each generation.

Which is why we're all robots. Really. Deep down inside, we go "tick tock tick tock" and talk to each other in monotones. And then we do The Robot Dance.

Your parents knew a thing or two before they gave you that name. Find out what it really means. You're a robot. Really. Are you ready for the truth?

Pokemon

The future of the universe is in your hands. Your weapon is the innocuous-looking mouse-pad by your side. When you throw it just so, plasma rays (..they're like, totally, supercool rays, mostly green, sometimes blue in color. Nothing, nothing, can stop plasma rays.) come out from the sides. And you become a two-dimesional, anime-d, Japanese cartoon, with your mouth stuck in "scream" mode. Forever.

Super Mystery Fireball Ignite!

Wait, doesn't somebody have to choose you?

Oh, yeah. Here you go.

****************

Aren't we kewl.

The Sesky Six.

Disclaimer: The names used in this blog are purely fictional, though the same cannot be said about the characters. Any resemblance to any person, dead or alive, is therefore purely intentional. The fine print is intentional too.

--------------------------------------------------

In a world full of Heroes and Villains, The Six blur the line that separates the two. Sometimes in the dark, sometimes in the light, they blend seamlessly into each. Talented. Powerful. Enigmatic. They are the Men Of Tomorrow. Well, most of them anyway.

Econo Mystery

On Friday evening, he disappears. Conspiracy theorists believe he teleports to the Magellan Constellation [citation needed]. Returns from his sojourns late, late into the night on Sunday. Sometimes by Monday afternoon. Hidden behind a shaggy mane, his face is as yet unseen by the world. As the end of the month draws near, he switches to a top-secret, highly specialized diet. He is mankind's answer to The Dragon Warrior.

"

Master Tigress : It is said that the Dragon Warrior can go for months without eating, surviving on the dew of a single gingko leaf and the energy of the universe.

"

Well, Dragon Warrior ain't seen nothing yet.




Gizmo Gadget
The ultimate gadget-freak. If it's in the market, he's got it. If it's not in the market yet, he's still got it. His shelves are stocked with "outdated" technology from 3015. 


His current obsessions include :

• an imaging device that actually transforms the surroundings into a place of the user's choice.
• a communications thingmajig that allows per second billing for calls to Alpha Centauri, and, dig this, teleporting.
• a Smoke Device made of Extraterrestrial Crystal. Technically, this is not a gadget. Ah, but who cares, woo-hoo!

Ex Crasy
Years ago, it was rumored that this guy was from another planet. He had the amazing ability to morph into yahoo-road-trip mode in 3.14159265 seconds.Yes, that is pi. Yes, he meant it to be that way. Once, he drank an entire bottle of Absinthe before embarking on a reading marathon that included "The Republic", "Les Miserables" and "The Complete Calvin and Hobbes Collection". Yes, he got through all of them before stifling a yawn.


But then, he met this girl.


Now all he does is shout "Twin-tailed Bushwhacker!" or "Fish-whupped Freefaller!" or something along those lines, every few minutes. Nobody knows what these words mean. But, he insists that in the cosmic sense, they are significant. Nobody knows what that is either.




Sai Lent Maan
He once survived an entire month on air alone. And then he slept. But then, a mortal dared to wake him up. The mortal was skadooshed into tiny, floating particles. 


He rarely spoke, but when he did, the world cowered in fear. He once reduced Hulk Hogan to tears by just looking at him. He was The One they all feared and revered.


But then, he started getting phone calls.




Sodio di Acqua
This jet-setting person lives a 365/24/7 life. Fridays are meaningless to this high-flyer. He is always on the move, sometimes at speeds faster than light itself. No one has seen him during the day. But at night, glimpses of this volatile individual can be caught by the flickering light of a 17" CRT Monitor. He comes, and goes, like lightning. Everything must be done fast, and NOW. And fast.

A repeat offender, he can be identified by his trademark, hedonistic, barf-inducing comments. To ALL photos. Afflicted by the Lastkeystuck Syndrome, his sentences usually end with multiple repetitions of the last character ("wowwwwwwww", "U know whaatttttttt").

Entire tomes have been filled with stories about him. New legends are written about him every day.

He is wanted dead or alive in 3 countries, and dead in 168.

Lightning Bolt Ed

His mind moves at speeds that even light cannot think of. Every decision is made even before the question is asked. Currently the owner of the fastest bike In The Entire Universe, he was pursued by Bajaj, to star in their ad campaign for The World's Fastest Indian.

For him, the past holds no meaning. He lives in the future. He sings songs from the future. His food is made in the future, and time warped to the present. He is The Future.

NOT!

--------------------------------------------------

Fiction! Fiction, I tell you!

We Didn't Start The Fire.

19 years ago. A series of events that eventually led to Ruchika Girhotra's suicide, were set in motion by the horniness of one man. After over 400 hearings and impassioned calls for justice, the Indian Judiciary finally sounded out their verdict. Six months imprisonment, and, dig this, a fine, of 1000 rupees. And that's not all. SPS Rathore gets out on bail almost immediately. All smiles.

18 years ago. Sister Abhaya, a 19 year old nun, went down to get a glass of water. She never got it. Her body was eventually found at the bottom of a well, in the premises of her convent. Evidence was tampered with. Evidence went missing. Sometimes brazenly so. For 16 years, the case was a mockery of justice.

36 years ago. Aruna Shanbag, a 24 yr old nurse at King Edward Memorial Hospital, Mumbai, was sexually assaulted by janitor, Sohanlal Valmiki. Using a leather belt to choke her into submission, Valmiki brutally had his way with her, after which he calmly disappeared into world. He was later arrested, but the charge of rape was never proved. Valmiki spent 6 years in jail for "robbery". And what of Aruna? The brain damage she suffered while she choked, left her in a vegetative state. She lives a shadow of a life in the same hospital where she used to tend to patients. She is looked after by the nurses there, who plead that she be allowed to live, despite many calls for euthanasia. Sohanlal Valmiki, long since free, is believed to be working as a janitor for a private hospital in Mumbai.

11 years ago. Model Jessica Lall is shot dead in plain view of the creme de la creme of Delhi's party circuit, by Siddharth Vashisht, aka Manu Sharma. Unsurprisingly, most of the witnesses turned hostile. Manu Sharma, used loophole after loophole and walked free. Finally, somehow, he was put behind bars. But, soon, he got out on bail. The reason? He wanted to party.

3 years ago. Aarushi Talwar, a 14 year student is murdered at her home. By who? The police points fingers at the domestic help, Hemraj, her father, Rajesh Talwar, and then goes on to add more names to the list as time progresses. Pretty soon the case fades into oblivion.

2 years ago. Pakistani gunmen open fire at crowded places in Mumbai, killing hundreds. Their faces are in plain view of the security cameras. Fidayeen are not meant to live through the attack. But Tukaram Omble gets in the way and one of them is captured alive. Ajmal Qasab spills everything from his nationality, to his past, to his training, in the frenzied initial stages of the trial. But slowly he learns of the innumerable loopholes in the Indian Judiciary. Pretty soon, the case assumes status quo. Already, two lawyers have been sent packing. The fires of Mumbai have died out.

These are only some of the stories that come to mind as I sit here on this cold night, a few days into a new decade. A million such cases lie unattended to in our incompetent courts. A million more never reach them.

"What will you do? File a case?" is a repartee that most auto drivers today use to silence newly-nicked car owners. That truly defines the competence of our judicial system, or the lack of it. The Indian Judiciary is the a punchline of a joke. It is without doubt the biggest failure of the Great Indian Democracy, for what is such a Democracy, that cannot protect the rights of her subjects, truly worth?

Welcome to India, where Justice is truly blind. Where killers laugh at the pathetic sentences meted out to them. Where they party on parole. Where character assassination by the police is a way of life. Where a rape trial is even more humiliating than the rape itself. Where money and might is what justice is.

"What will you do? File a case?"

"...the only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous..."

 

I Promise...

...to not say "Twenty-Ten". Ever. It's "Two thousand ten".

...to be able to dunk again, by this time next year.

...to gruesomely deal with anybody who evangelizes to me again. It will be very unpleasant. Be warned.

...to write about the aforementioned evangelizing later this month.

...to write down a Bucket List, and then start working through it steadily. 'Cos, you never know.

...to learn how to play "Wake Me Up When September Ends" on the guitar before September ends.

...to lose my cool more often. It's very liberating.

...to sing out loud, instead of humming with the headphones on.

...to resist the urge to drive like a maniac.

...to stop using Orkut. It sucks.

...to not panic about my receding hairline, each time I look in the mirror.

...to work my way through the IMDB top 250 list.

...to get a REAL life. I heard they have everything on eBay.

...to write better stuff on this blog.

...to write better stuff.

...to write.

Promise.